Thursday, October 15, 2009

Kanye West and Jamie Foxx: Not as big a deal as they said they were!

Excuse the interruption. I know I promised the first installment of WRONG PORTLAND! as my next blog post, but as it turns out I was inspired. I just can't help but notice that neither Jamie Foxx, nor Kanye West turned out to be as big a deal as they both had originally heralded.

Firstly, Kayne:

OK, Golddigger is a pretty pimp jam and all, and as a slightly emo white kid from an artsy town, I will admit that the whole teddy bear/next level N.E.R.D./tight pants/lazers/sunglasses you would wear to the White Heart presentation of his records was inviting. However, one would have to produce tracks and rap with the power and grace of the Christ-child Himself in order to live up to the hype produced by Kanye.

a) nice pink sweater
b) nice underbite
c) does anyone wish that Fiddy really settled the score the way he REALLY would have preferred?
d) stop trying to "sing"

Jamie Foxx:

Living Color? Kinda funny, sometimes. The Ray Charles movie? A pretty mediocre portrayal of a tortured artist. Ultimately, I'd give the whole movie a C+, even though everyone LOVED it because he did his own singing. You know what? I think Olivia Newton John did her own singing in Xanadu, but I don't see anyone sucking her dick for that. As far as I can see, Jamie Foxx's film career is skipping the bottom like a rock tossed across a pond by an armless sick child, and his singing career was better suited when it was referred to by it's old name: KARAOKE.

PS: That's the top of the microphone dipshit, do you eat from the side of your fork too? Put down the microphone and read the script for Saw 6, or 7, whatever the fuck is next.

Let us look to great actors and musicians who spend their time being awesome by actually producing great work, rather than talking about it (See Tom Petty, Don Cheadle, Javier Bardeem, Q-Tip and Leonard Nimoy.)
PS: j/k/lol/not really/of course I'm kidding/no I'm not/YES I AM/ no, I actually kinda like Leonard Nimoy... a lot/not really/yes/it's hard to type a blog while masterbating to old episodes of Star Trek.


Tuesday, October 13, 2009


I know, I know, it seems too good to be true. Josh Homme (Queens of the Stoneage), Dave Grohl (Nirvana, Foo Fighters) and John Paul Jones (from...ummm...OH RIGHT, LED FUCKING ZEPPELIN) all in one group couldn't possibly live up to the sum of it's parts. News flash kids: Not only is it awesome in theory, it's awesome in execution.

We traveled down to Boston (no doubt the subject of 'I Fucking Hate This Shit' Vol. 2) to the House of Blues last Sunday to catch the show. What other band could play to a capacity crowd after posting a 13 second and a 59 second YouTube clip and sell out a 2500 seat theater? The age of the crowd was totally mixed and when JH introduced the band, the room came unglued for JPJ. It was nice to see that the young'uns still recognize.

The band played for about and hour or so, no encore. All the songs were all original and by what I can remember, pretty excellent. I had to pry myself away for 45 seconds for an unavoidable pee break (damn you PBR) but otherwise, my attention was totally glued to the stage. The mix was solid, despite a lack of clarity in the low end, though that could have been due to where we were sitting.

It was nice to see JPJ move around so freely on so many instruments. Bass was the mainstay, but he also played keys (with bass pedals!) mandolin (?) and some sort of weird ass multi string slide bass custom jobby. Dave Grohl, well, you know what he did and Josh Homme did a fantastic job holding down both the lions share of the guitar parts and lead vocals, despite being ill. Alain Johannes was masterful in covering all the extra goodies (bass, guitar, keys, vocals) although secretly, I hope he looses a hand in a bagel cutting accident and recommends me for the job.

All killer, no filler. I very much look forward to the upcoming studio record.

Next post: WRONG PORTLAND!: A celebration of folks who found their way to the wrong coast.
Bring your beard, fixed gear bike, vintage glasses frames, overuse of superlatives, girls jeans (with one leg rolled up), apathy, love for fleeting moments, shitty bands and succinct, insignificant interests!